Jake Here (For Real)

 Hey there, brothers. Apparently Ox found my laptop and decided to have a little fun. Then he found my book of Renaissance art and pasted on pages of pornography from Mounds Magazine.

The guys sure do bust my hump that I wrote ‘This Man Loves You’. You might remember the song—it’s the one that became a number one hit. Oh, that’s right. It’s the only Riders song to become a number one hit. You probably recognize it from a bunch of car ads a while back. We made a pretty respectable pile of coin off that song. That song they’re always criticizing.

Here’s a fact about ‘This Man Loves You’ you Midnighters might not have known: I wrote it to my father after he passed on. That Ox sure is a card, let me tell you. One of these days someone’s gonna break a tooth off in that big funny mouth of his.

Much love,

Jake

I aM JAke

I rite ballads hahahaaaa this man loves you

Every time i look at my stupid art books i cry 

On the Road to Fort Worth

Long night, brothers. The life of the road. 3am and we’re on our way to Fort Worth, Texas (a town with some history for the Riders) for another kick-ass show. I’m writing to you from my laptop on the Riders tour bus. Things are pretty chill here. Dusty’s practicin’ some licks. Smitty’s playin’ some Xbox, unwinding. And Ox is drinking an entire bottle of scotch whiskey and hurling insults at me. So it’s just another day in the life, brothers.

Hold on. Ox says he wants to type something at all you Riders fans out there. Take it away, Ox:

JAKE EATS FARTS HAHAHDAHAHA

According to Ox I can’t delete that or I’m kicked out of the band. We’ll see you in Fort Worth, Midnighters.

Much love,

Jake